Asteroid Underground Interview: Alonso

My old friend Alonso did an Asteroid Underground interview recently, and we will include it in our next epic release: The Battle of Vesta 4. Until then, enjoy this sneak preview with one of coolest musicians I ever managed a tour for. ~Mags ❤

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We’re here with Alonso, formerly of the Sterile Skins, the premier punk/ska band of the early century, often credited for the pre-MFA ska resurgence that swept the USA. Lonso, welcome to the Underground.

Thanks, Holmes. Nice crib you got here.

Lonso, most of us thought you were dead. You disappeared after the Act was passed, and it’s been reported that you died in the raids in 2019 with the other members of the Skins. Can you fill us in on what happened?

I got a job. Can you believe that shit? I spent years haulin’ cargo all over the solar system for the Port Authority.

How does a known felon and fugitive get a job at the PA?

Ese, the PA is fucked. I mean seriously fucked. They’re too big for their own good now. They’re so full of desk jockeys and pencil pushers that no one has any idea what’s going on. If you got the cash to get a fake background and a matching passport, passing the interview test is easy. Why? You looking for work?

No, but I’ll keep that in mind.

It wasn’t such a bad gig. I learned to fly spaceships and kick all kinds of ass, got some mad skills in zero-gravity maneuvers and multi-grav combat environments. PA security might be weak, but the pilot training is off the hook.

And now that you’re not with the Port Authority anymore?

Imma tear this shit up! Meeting tía again after all these years was like, damn—it brought back all the good times, you know? I was like fuck being on the run. I’m sick of this shit. We need to bring rock and roll back to the System, know what I’m sayin’?

Before we talk about the future, let’s look at your past. Nobody can find original albums from your first band, Negative Influence. But I downloaded some digital rips from darkweb, and they are absolutely smoking.

That was a tight band, considering how young we were back then. What’s your favorite Influence jam?

So many choices. They’re all outstanding.

Yeah, but just one.

Alright. It’s got to be My Pussy’s on Fire and It Won’t Go Out.

Oh, hell yeah! We used to destroy that tune on stage. Crowds went apeshit for it.

How did you come up with that title?

Me? Hell, I didn’t write that. Our singer, Lily Whiteass, she did all that. She wrote all her own words, and most of our hooks. Sometimes me, or Brandon, or Socks, we’d take her basic ideas and mutate them into riffs. But Lily was the prime instigator.

Was it weird having a female singer who sang so much about her pussy?

Why would that be weird?

Here’s another classic track: Burn Your Parents’ House Down. That sounds like really bad advice.

The name of the band wasn’t Positive Influence, G.

Do you think songs like this had anything to do with the passage of the Musical Freedoms Act?

Look, we were just kids venting some aggression. We weren’t actually telling anyone they should burn down a house. That’s just stupid.

So, it wasn’t a call to action. It was more conceptual.

That’s a good word for it.

Can you give us any insight into why Negative Influence broke up?

It just kinda happened after Socks went to prison.

On what charges?

She burned her parents’ house down.

And the rest of you?

Nah, she didn’t burn our shit, bro. We were tight.

I mean—

Oh, like what did we do? Lily and Socks went on to form BitchFucker and toured Asia, and we kinda lost touch. But a couple friends kept bugging me to do a ska thing with them. I thought it’d be a nice break from the metal vibe of Influence, so I was like yeah, let’s give it a shot and see what happens. They already had two guitarists, so I ended up on drums.

Do you ever think about getting back into guitar?

I never got out of it. My new band has me on baritone guitar, and like two dozen drummers, and they’re all space monkeys. Then we got these octopuses that—

Did you say space monkeys?

Yeah, man! The octopuses put us in this telepathic communion, right? Then the monkeys got the beat, and I got the—

Hold on. Octopuses? Telepathy?

Pay attention, Holmes! This shit is gonna blow up. It’ll be way bigger than the Skins. We’re going interplanetary.

It seems telepathy would be confusing. If your mind and another mind are linked, how do you know which thoughts are really yours? How do you know if a musical idea is yours or not?

As long as it’s a bad-ass idea, who gives a shit? Do you even think about these questions before you ask them?

No, I just sort of wing it.

That’s all we do with the octopuses, ese. Wing it. Or tentacle it. Or whatever.

Does your new band have a name?

Nah, not yet. But we got a killer tour bus under construction right now. A name will come to us when the time is right.

I can’t wait to hear it. You’ll let us know when you get ready to tour?

You’ll know. Everyone’s gonna know. And no one’s gonna stop us this time.

Right on, Lonso. Thanks for joining us at the Underground.

Anytime. Hey, you got a couple cases of beer I can take with me?

Surgical Solution

© 2018 The Sterile Skins

Times you were trusted
Now you are busted
People you lied to
Don’t even try to

Give me noise pollution oi oi oi
Surgical solution oi o oi
Maybe you are one of them oi oi oi
Gotta rise above them oi oi oi

We have a method
No you never checked it
Worried for the future
Fix it with a suture

Give me noise pollution oi oi oi
Surgical solution oi o oi
You don’t wanna become them oi oi oi
Gotta rise above them oi oi oi

Only one incision
Make it with precision
It’s a good decision
To complete the mission

Give me noise pollution oi oi oi
Surgical solution oi oi oi
Your mind is ours to control
Now we cut you up and we make you whole

Asteroid Underground Interview III: Slim

This interview appears in the Meteor Mags Omnibus Edition.

Slim, Welcome to the Asteroid Underground.

Thanks, buddy. Glad to be here. You don’t mind, do you?

Oh, no. Go right ahead. That smells great! What is it?

Kung Pao chicken. A vegetarian version. We make it with seitan. It’s less traumatic for the chickens that way. Here. Try some. You don’t have a peanut allergy, do you? Okay, try this.

Wow, that’s tasty. Do you make all your own food at Below The Belt?

Oh, yeah. Our customers don’t just come for the loud music and sexy dancers, hahaha. We’re the only place outside the Martian Warehousing Zone where a miner can get a home-cooked meal.

Tell us how you got started cooking.

Oh, I don’t even recall when I started. I worked in Dad’s restaurant ever since I can remember.

Your dad was in the restaurant business, too?

No, no, hahaha. Dad was in the gambling business. Or more accurately, Dad was the gambling business in Chinatown. The restaurant was just a cover. A meeting place, a decent way to launder money, that kind of thing. Once he moved into imports and exports, it wasn’t so important, but we kept it open a few more years anyway. I don’t know if it was so he could always get a home-cooked meal, or if he just thought it would keep me out of trouble! Maybe both.

Does Meteor Mags still dance at Below The Belt?

No, though we’d love to have her back. She mostly dances at her own place now. When she has the time.

Is it because of the shootout?

Hahaha, no. Well, maybe just a little bit. Don’t print that, though. Mags is persona non gratis with the MFA, the Port Authority, and just about everybody else these days. So, it’s probably not a good idea for her to be in a little club like mine. She has to be more careful about hanging out now. We all miss her, though. She’s quite the dancer.

And you’ve known her a long time, too, haven’t you?

Oh, forever. Since Pearl Jam’s first album came out, anyway. I remember because she played the living hell out of the damn thing! I couldn’t listen to that album for a couple years after that.

So, 1991?

That’s right. Ah, I was just a kid back then. Good times. We still chat, of course. She’s got a new project in the works and, I don’t mind telling you, the math is pretty tough on it. I help where I can. Sometimes it just helps to have two minds working on the same problem.

A new project? What is she working on?

I can’t really give you the details. But I think it could be the most important thing since the GravGens, if we can get it to work. Revolutionizing life in The Belt, that’s about all I can say. And you know how Auntie Mags loves a good revolution.

She sure does. Thank you for joining us, Slim. Anything else you’d like to say before we go?

Yes! Come out to Below The Belt! We always have a good time, the dancers are always beautiful, and the meals are always cooked fresh to order! See you there.